I thought I had my second book as good as finished, until I realised it was just the same as the first book with more elaboration on some things. I only became aware of the situation because I had decided to work with a different book coach this time. Instead of just writing everything down that came into my head, I opted for a structural approach. The structure looked so simple. First, think about the main messages I want to share and then come up with some real life examples of how that played out in my life.
Once I started though, it made me feel uncomfortable to do this. My first book started as a memoir and then ended up somehow with lots of tips of how I overcame the obstacles of limiting beliefs. It was never my intention to write about these things, I had no control over what turned up on my screen. We had to write at a very high speed and the internal critic had no room to show up. I wrote about how I worked on creating the life I always dreamed about. I described many failures and how I overcame my limiting beliefs. I got positive feedback how it helped others to feel better about their own issues.
With the second book when I approached the writing process in a more conscious way I came to a halt. I experienced procrastination in action, big time. I felt very uncomfortable writing tips for a happier life. My first thought was, ‘who do you think you are to write about creating the life of your dreams?’ I have made so many mistakes and took so many detours while fulfilling my goals that I certainly would not qualify to give any kind of advice.
On the other hand, I have learned from some of my mistakes, especially the ones I made over and over again. It seemed a great idea to me to share some of the stupid things I did. People could have a good laugh with it or in some cases, my story might make them feel better about their own stumbling. It could even turn out to be a ‘how not to’ book. I derived some comfort from the idea that maybe my suffering might be of use to someone. The feeling can be compared to the one I had last week when a young girl was after a dog kennel on a community board. Since I have one that is never used, it felt so good to give it to her. I no longer have use for my old pain and in sharing how I dealt with my problems maybe just maybe it might help others to have smoother path to walk upon.
Where I did suffer during my travels it could be useful even if only to show others that the suffering was in fact an option. I took the option of suffering for a short time, as a stepping-stone to becoming more whole as a human being.
The most important reason I write is that I have that deep seated feeling that is something I just have to do. If I don’t write for a couple of days, I feel bloated and my belly gets really big. Then my frustration gets so high the only thing that will settle me is to write down what is contained in the energy that is creating bloating in my body. It is my way of letting go and expressing myself. I prefer it to talking about my issues (although I love a good chat mind you). Especially when I write fast I have no idea what comes out of the random thoughts that live in my head. Because I find the subjects I write about self-confronting my tendency to procrastinate gets even more in the way. Any reason not to write, read not to confront myself with certain aspects of myself, is validated.
When I stopped writing the second book it wasn’t because there was suddenly this structure in place. It was all about me not wanting to dive into the unknown, the parts of me that needed a bit of light shed on and the thoughts that need to be questioned. I remember very clearly from my first book that once the book is finished I will no longer be the same person than the one who started writing the book. I will have to let go and allow…
And that is exactly what the working title is of my next book: Now I Allow. That means that I will also allow myself to work in a more structured way. It will allow for a much better book in the end that will be more clear and helpful to more people.
Looking forward to hear your thoughts about unbridled scribbling and/or working within a structure that guides the main message you want to bring over.