Diaries February 2011
I am feeling sad and frustrated. I was getting used to being a failure in my private life but I always had a career to fall back on. That has now been taken away as well. In order to pay the bills I have to wipe bums and do other things I heavily dislike. Why can I not live from my business? Why is not taking off? I do not seem to enjoy any of the work I have to do these days. I only do things out of a sense of obligation. It is my thoughts about work that are upsetting me. All that is needed for me to enjoy my life more is to change my thoughts. Part of me thinks that successful people only do the things they enjoy doing, that makes me feel even more of failure. Even the jobs I was good in, in the past, did not bring me a sense of fulfilment or happiness. They were only ways to make ends meet, ways to pay the bills. Become wiser: it doesn’t have to be my reality, it might be just my feelings. I need to nurture my positive emotions. This is what my horoscope is telling me for this week: the sky offers opportunities to see life differently; you can have more control over your life.
Sometimes I feel like I am at the lowest point ever in my life, emotionally, financially and spiritually. When I first came to Australia I was filled with hope and for a while I thought the hardships were short-lived. Now it seems like it is getting worse and worse. Every day I fight to stay positive. I know there must be light at the end of this dark tunnel, but I have no idea how long this tunnel is going to be. I will now see what I can do for other people, that will take away the emphasis on how bad I feel about myself. I have put my hand up to volunteer and I feel good about that. Also time to start studying for my final test for citizen ship. That is something to look forward too! Landing of the first governor Arthur Phillip at Sydney Cove 1788. The Golden Wattle… Terra Australis Incognita here we come!