Surrendering

To surrender or not to surrender, that is the question.

Some things are easy to surrender to

The word surrender at first glance does not feel confortable to me. It smells of weakness and indicates that I am not able to do what is necessary to solve a problem. It sounds like giving up, hopelessness, something only for the faint of heart.

Lately I am trying very hard to surrender, is that an oxymoron or what? I am looking into changing my old belief systems that no longer serve me at all, and adopting belief systems that make me feel good about life and happy. I have no idea if this is the right or wrong thing to do but I would rather be wrong and happy than right and unhappy.

I wonder how many layers of these old thoughts that have turned into beliefs I will encounter on this trip. The limiting beliefs I am most aware of are:

• There is never enough … fill in time, money, love
• I am not good enough to… fill in to do this, to obtain something, to allow the good things to happen.

These seem to be my two biggest limiting beliefs. They could be interrelated in that there is lack and that I do not deserve whatever is needed to fill that gap.

When I tried to change my thoughts I noticed that only thinking positive does not do the trick. I started to experience that feeling positive was the clue. Getting out of my head space and going into my whole body. Going to the seat of my emotions and dealing with them on a how do I feel level.

Now, when thoughts start to run like wild horses all in different directions in my head, creating havoc with my feel-good mood, I stop my thinking for a moment. I turn my intention inside my body and concentrate on where I feel uneasy (the beginning of dis-ease). Eckhart Tolle calls it the painbody. I sit with it and observe the emotion. I try not to react at all, just watching and feeling. With every thought that pops up in my head I ask myself “Is it true?” I try to spin it in different directions until my mind settles and I can feel again instead of think. I force my attention to something right there and then that makes me feel good.

How does this look in real life? Here are some recent experiences:

• I am driving and someone cuts me off. I feel a jolt like an electric shock and think, “Who do they think they are to… don’t they care about…” immediately followed by, “They might not have seen me… they might just have a loved one die… they might be going through some difficult times…”. Feeling my heart beat calm down and suddenly looking at the sky and thinking, “That is just a perfect blue sky… how beautiful does that flowering jacaranda look against that blue? Life is amazing, there is so much beauty everywhere around me”.

• I have waited for almost an hour with a ticket in my hand that does not seem to come up. I am hungry, late for another appointment and realise I have forgotten to something important. Finally it is my time and I go to counter 13. A severe lady with a face that has no life left in it and seems to have sucked on a piece of lemon starts bossing me around. “Where is that document… did you fill this properly… why did you not do…” on and on. It seems that I will not be getting what I am applying for. My stomach is turning into a pit of steaming acid. Suddenly I realise how beautiful the wallet is that I am holding in my hand. I love that wallet. I think about my favourite pen that I hold, eager to sign the documents. I look again at the lady behind the counter and feel for her. It might be a bad day for her in a life that does not bring much joy. I look for something nice and beautiful in her. A ring, a colour of nail polish, an antique brooch, anything positive. I start to pivot my emotion from stressed to soft. I concentrate on my breathing. I say to myself “Breathe in, breathe out” a couple of times and as I do I open my heart. Love is everywhere. This lady has been loved dearly and has given love. Just now it seems to be hiding but I know it is still there hidden under the same limiting beliefs that I am trying to get rid off. I become aware that whatever happens is exactly that what is supposed to happen. I say to myself, “I am convinced the universe is benevolent and only good things can happen to me”. The softer I become, the easier the process becomes.

These were just two of the opportunities I’ve had to practise surrender. My aim is to come to a point that I can stay in that higher vibration all the time. I secretly hope that if I can keep my feelings upbeat there will be fewer situations in my life that are full of stress.

The only problem is that I sometimes forget that I am in the driver’s seat and that brings me to another favourite limiting believe of mine:

I am not in control.

Other people control me, the universe is in control,
some type of external power rules everything.

I know this sounds like a conspiracy theory, then again the ego is kind of mad.

As long as I can master those wild horses that run around and create the havoc I will be fine. I have the knowledge and power to align them and make them dance graciously throughout the day.

My favourite way at the moment to make sure I surrender is to say to myself:

“Can I be the space for this?”

E.Tolle

What do you find the most difficult thing to surrender to?

• Can you let go and let god?
• What would happen if for one day you did not object to anything, no matter what happened?
• Where are you wishing in your life that you could just let things go their course without having to intervene, just be the awareness of it all and perceive that what happens without judging?
• How easy is it for you to just be the witness for what happens around you and surrender?