Today I am going to make a choice between writing an entry or copying one out of my diaries… I find my diaries sometimes depressing to read. I was unhappy so often to the point it becomes boring. I wonder if other people cope with similar periods in their life where everything they seem to touch turns into shit instead of gold. The weirdest thing is that I kept repeating behaviours and thoughts that would bring back more of the exact same thing I was trying to avoid. I read somewhere that real stupidity is to keep doing the same thing over an over again and expecting a different outcome. That’s me in a nutshell.
Cause and effect
I know that I am at cause not the world I perceive outside of me. Maybe I should say part of me knows this because it is not how I act. I keep fiddling with the screen (the world I see) instead of having a good look at the projector (my mind and its beliefs) when I don’t like the movie being played.
Does one need to become suddenly enlightened by a lightening force or blinding source to stop doing that? Or do we gradually un-condition our mind to achieve this? Is it with little baby steps we take every day towards a better and brighter future that we can live our awareness? Maybe it is by writing and talking about it that we give it form.
First there was word, then form …